


evanesco

by orphxus (impxria)



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-16
Updated: 2015-11-16
Packaged: 2018-05-01 22:15:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5222954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impxria/pseuds/orphxus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <span class="small">i'm just fearing one day soon,</span>
</p><p>  <span class="small">i'll lose my mind.</span></p>
            </blockquote>





	evanesco

  
[ { inspired by. }](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RumpYHxS-p8)

i don’t want to **ᴅ ɪ s ᴀ ᴘ ᴘ ᴇ ᴀ ʀ**.

                                       -- but you will eventually.

w o n ’ t y o u?

* * *

It hurts, it hurts, it _hurts_ \--

\-- It hurts and he knows that it’ll never stop.

Fingers tug harshly at black and white locks; his eyes squeeze shut and he hopes that the sharp pain will abate. It’s unbearable; he waits every waking moment for this intense feeling to return-- he waits for the sensations and he waits for the reminder that this isn’t his body.

This is not who he really is.

\-- And he doesn’t know who he really is, even if the past is slowly drowning him. And he doesn’t know if he _wants_ to know.

Because it’s too much. His teeth are clenched and his breath is hitched; it’s in these moments that he desperately wishes that he could fade into oblivion but he doesn’t want that to ever happen and his mind is too torn. He wants to live but he doesn’t want to live like this anymore-- living this lie, living like he’s truly happy.

But he doesn’t want to disappear.

“Haise--”

Fear seeps into your body when you see the figure on the couch. He’s hunched over, elbows resting on his knees. The investigator barely registers your concerned voice; he swallows hard and constantly reminds himself to breathe. It’s only until you crouch before him, gingerly taking hold of trembling hands. Muscles tense and he jerks away from the touch-- it takes a moment before he snaps from his trance and understands that you won’t hurt him. 

His eyes open and all you can see is fear.

You begin to repeat his name once more, but he intercepts and you find yourself at a loss.

“I don’t want to leave.” He chokes out. “--I want to stay.”

And every part of you wants to break down. The desperation in his voice-- the urgency and the yearning in his eyes-- you wish you could do anything and everything in the world for him, but you can’t and you hate it. Your body is stiff and thoughts flee; everything is blank and everything feels numb.

Fingers gingerly caress his cheeks and he searches your face for any hint of consolation-- anything that will let him keep his grasp on reality. The words you want to say can’t come out. Lips part, but silence continues to fill the room.

When he looks into your eyes, he realizes that you’re just as afraid.

“You can stay, Haise.”

Your shaking voice breaks.

“You won’t disappear.”

You wish you could promise that.

But the fear still lingers, though his heartbeat begins to slow and the pain begins to withdraw. He knows it’s wrong to cling to this hope-- but it’s all he has. 

It’s all he’ll ever have.

Because he knows it’ll only get worse. He knows that his mind will continue to unravel and he knows that Kaneki will take over.

And Haise will be gone.

i’m just fearing one day soon,  
i’ll l o s e my mind.


End file.
